What Is a Long Distance Relationship?

I don't know how many times a definition has had to change along with the times, but what is considered a long distance relationship has changed over the centuries. At it's most basic, a "long distance relationship" is one in which the involved parties do not reside in the same area such that frequent contact is difficult or impossible.

For me, there are essential elements to such relationships that relatively recent technology has largely overcome and thereby eliminated some of the most critical components. The distance itself creates physical separation. This is half of the relationship equation and a very important one indeed. A big part of what makes being with another person so wonderful is the ability to touch one another. One of the best parts about being half of a loving couple is that you have granted one another special permission to touch in particular ways, often ways that you cannot touch others.

Internet technology has wiped out many of the other parts of distance relationships such that I sometimes wonder if modern long distance relationships suffer as greatly from them. One of those parts is the lack of immediacy. Prior to the invention of the telephone, all distance relationships required people to operate entirely out of time as well as space. One party has a thought or a feeling to express, puts pen to paper, or hits keys on a typewriter and puts the thoughts into an envelope and surrenders it to the postal service. The other party receives it, reads it, digests the thoughts and responds. The sender and receiver are, depending on the times, at least days apart in communication. In the even more distant past, they could be weeks apart or more. You feel despair and longing, but your partner cannot respond or even know for some time.

My long distance relationship started in 1987. At that time, there was no internet as we now know it. Regular people did not have the capacity to contact each other in real time except for using the telephone, and that was a lot more expensive than it is today. I lived in a prolonged state of being out of time with my boyfriend at the time. It created a unique set of circumstances which I would not experience if I were to experience a similar relationship today.

I am writing a book about my relationship. This site is about that to some extent, but it's also about long distance relationships in general. It's about the special problems and considerations that go into having one and the societal environment that surrounded them back then and an exploration of that environment now. If you are in a long distance relationship and you have found this site, I would love to know what you believe are the particular challenges of your situation. In the future, I will talk about some of the challenges that I faced when my long distance relationship played out.